Touchstone....

"I began by seeing how man was formed by circumstances--and what are circumstances but touchstones of his heart? And what are touchstones but provings of his heart, but fortifiers or alterers of his nature? And what is altered nature but his Soul? --and what was his Soul before it came into the world and had these provings and alterations and perfectionings? --An intelligence without Identity--and how is this Identity to be made? Through the medium of the Heart? And how is the heart to become this Medium but in a world of Circumstances?"

-John Keats

In response to Dr. Sexson's request, I will now share with you a poem that, upon using the above description from Keats, would be referred to as a "touchstone" for me. My understanding of what Keats is depicting may not be exactly what he intended, however, I would hate to fall into the intentional fallacy by failing to share my response to this concept, so here it is.

When we look at our past and then look to our future, we must understand that from birth until death, our lives will be made up of circumstances. These circumstances serve to teach us, alter our nature, impact us, and mold our hearts- they also prove what our hearts contain and are made of. The alterations of our nature are really the alterations of who we are at our core, in our souls. When we were created in our mother's wombs, our souls held the opportunity for intelligence yet they did not yet have an identity. What forms our identity? What else but the very circumstances that build our lives-the emotional ways that we respond to them; anger, fear, joy, etc. things that we carry in our hearts from one circumstance to another. It makes sense then to say that our heart is the medium used to create our identity. However, without the circumstances, our hearts would be nothing more than an empty slate, a potential tool, a place void of identity and passion....

With this fresh insight, I have began to examine my circumstances to see what has given them meaning. I have found that, indeed, the way that my heart is touched and what it carries, gives them meaning and the ability to be a building block in my life.

In all honesty, my heart has been carrying hurt and sadness....a "touchstone" of my heart that is serving to alter me, perfect my strength, and form my identity at this point in my life is going through the experience of my grandfather's Alzheimer's with him. I live in my grandparents home and, as a result, am confronted with the reality of the situation on a regular basis. You may not be following me at this point, and instead wondering why I am sharing my life with you, but I do so because it provides the background for what my touchstone poem at this point is.

When I was reading through one of my old literature books, I came upon this poem that can be described as something that alters my life and touches my heart because of its familiarity.

Alzheimer's

"He stands at the door, a crazy old man
Back from the hospital, his mind rattling
Like the suitcase, swinging from his hand,
That contains shaving cream, a piggy bank,
A book he sometimes pretends to read,
His clothes. On the brick wall beside him
Roses and columbine slug it out from space, claw the mortar.
The sun is shining, as it does late in the afternoon
In England, after rain.
Sun hardens the house, reifies it,
Strikes the iron grillwork like a smithy
And sparks fly off, burning in the bushes--
The rosebushes--
While the white wood trim defines solidity in space.
This is his house. He remembers it as his,
And the garage, the rhododendron he planted in back,
A younger man, in a tweed hat, a man who loved
Music. There is no time for that now. No time for music,
The peculiar screeching of strings, the luxurious
Fiddling with emotion.
Other things have become more urgent.
Other matters are now of greater importance, have more
Consequences, must be attended to. The first
Thing he must do, now that he is home, is decide who
This woman is, this old, white-haired woman
Standing here in the doorway,
Welcoming him in."

--Kelly Cherry


It is my belief that touchstone passages and moments do not only flow from a place of elevated joy and happiness, but from a place of understanding; Where you encounter something that strikes you hard, gives you new insight, redefines who you are, and overall touches you deeply.